Overwhelmed? Just Say NO!

You made it!  You've gotten thru all the previous steps I posted on how to stop feeling overwhelmed both in your genealogy & in your personal life.  I think I've saved the hardest one for last. 

I'm not sure why saying "NO" is so difficult but for me, Its one of the hardest things to do.  Don't know if its the not wanting to disappoint anyone or if I just hate letting people down.  It's just difficult!

If there's an easy way to do this I don't know what it is.  I can't give you a magic equation so my advice is to just do it.  Just say it. 

We are trained from childhood that "doing good" is important.  We are "programmed" so to speak, to to be nice, help each other.  And having to disappoint someone by saying no is hard.  BUT, in order to keep us on even keel,  to make sure we keep our priorities in line sometimes saying "no" is just something we have to do.  There's that priority thing again.  Figuring out what matters, what we want to focus on. 

Some thoughts to help -

• Be Selective!  You don't have to say "yes" to everything that comes along. Seriously, if we spend all our time focusing on things that don't matter to us, we get burned out and have no time for the things that do matter.  Step back and figure out exactly what really matters then focus there.  
• Do The Math!  Seriously,  take a good hard look at your life.  THEN make the choices based on what you know.  If you want to spend (INSERT YOUR NUMBER HERE) hours a week on genealogy,  and you need (INSERT YOUR NUMBER HERE) hours a week for cleaning, transporting children, and (INSERT YOUR NUMBER HERE) on other "family" things, can you really afford to donate 20 hours a week to volunteer at the animal shelter?  Before you say yes, organize your priorities, the things that matter and see what you have available.  Then prioritize how you want to spend it.  I volunteer for an organization at Ford.  When the call comes out each month for workers, I stop, look at what I have going on,  what my other commitments are and what time I have available and then (AND ONLY THEN) do I commit. 
• Don't be Compulsive!  Don't rush in.  Just because they ask now doesn't mean you have to answer now.  Be honest - "Gee, I'd love to help, but can I get back to you after I check my schedule?".  If they truly want your help they will understand.  Take the time and step back, check your priority schedule and then make your decision.  Be especially wary of making decisions when you are tired or stressed.  I've found when I just cave in and commit because I'm tired or because everyone else around me said yes, I always regret it. 
• Be Honest!   It's always better to be honest up front.  It's not always the easiest way to go, BUT in the long run it's better for your relationships if you just say it right up front.  "I just don't have the time to commit to anything else right now.", is far better than committing then finding out the next morning that this really wasn't something you wanted to do and have to cancel.  In the long run (hopefully) it will be better for both parties that you were honest and upfront about it.
• Be Flexible!  Sometimes no matter how hard we try things come up and BAM! our little list making, prioritized life has to bend.  Whether it's grandkids, kids or just a neighbor in need,  we are a persons last hope for that hour of assistance that they desperately need.  Emergencies happen, cars break down, power goes out, or someone needs a ride.  Yes, those things do happen, its called life.  It's important to step back and understand that we don't have total control.  Things happen its called life.  Be flexible enough that if you get a call and someone needs you to stop and help for an hour its not the end of the world.  You will recover and move on.  Remember,  one day it might be you on the "needy" end of that phone call.

In the long run, all of this stuff,  every single bit of what I've said in this series on relieving the feeling of overwhelmed boils down to PRIORITIES.   Call it what you want,  read it anyway you want, its all about PRIORITIZING what really matters to each of us.  I can't tell you what your priorities are.  They are different for each of us.  And that's okay.  I encourage you to sit down, take a long hard look at your life and decide what really matters to you.  Not what matters just for today, but what matters to you the person.  And then base your daily stuff, your genealogy and the other things you want to do on those priorities.  I'm sure if you do, you'll see that in the long run, if you take care of the priorities in your life, the rest will fall right into place.

Hope this helps someone.  I'm not a shrink or anything but this whole process helped me tremendously.  Hope it does the same for you!  

Happy Researching! 

Overwhelmed? Let's Talk Priorities!

In Monday's post on feeling overwhelmed, my number #1 to help decrease that way of feeling overwhelmed was to prioritize.  Often when you are overwhelmed just figuring out where to start is difficult.  So I'm going to offer some suggestions - elaborate on just how to do the things I suggested. 

The first thing I suggested was to PRIORITIZE your life.   For me it wasn't that hard,  I already knew what my priorities were.  I just needed to see them again.  Remind MYSELF of what they were.  We get so caught up in just being alive that we sometimes let things get out of hand. 

So I sat down and made a list of just what matters to me.  Your list may change as things change in your life.  The list of a retiree will probably be different than that of a new mom or a mom with small children. 

I won't put my whole list up here but an example of my list would be:

1. My family - includes husband, children & grandchildren
2. Our home
3. Genealogy
4. Gardening
5. Reading

As I said this is not my exact list but it gives you an idea of what I mean by prioritizing.   My family WILL ALWAYS come above all else.  Granted there are boundaries on that,  but we won't go into that here.  Last month when our daughter was injured in a car accident everything else went by the wayside while we stepped in to take care of her, the children and home that they share.  They were our priority.

Second on the list was OUR home.  No, OUR home is not all my responsibility, but I take great pride in taking care of our home.  I am a homebody, I love being here at home, surrounded by the photo's and things that make this house our home.  And I like it kept a certain way.  That's important to me.  So I make a window of time each day available for its upkeep.  I'm primarily an early bird so I'm up getting Mr Brown Eyes off to work.  While I'm up and he's headed out,  I plan dinner, toss in laundry, straighten up, make the bed and I'm done with housework and usually in my office by 8:30.  In the summer it might be later because I enjoy weeding and doing gardening when its cooler outside.

Third, fourth and fifth - the genealogy, gardening and reading really are flexible to me.  Alot depends on other factors.  If its going to be a beautiful day outside I might take my laptop and work on the patio, with breaks from typing to pull some weeds.  The only two items on that list that are locked in stone are #1 & #2.

It ALL boils down to PRIORITIES.  It really is that simple.  So what are your priorities?  Have you made your list?  What makes your list? 

Tombstone Tuesday - John W. Kreitzer, No Longer Missing!

John W. Kreitzer & his wife, Mildred R. Kreitzer are the featured headstone today.  Work on this couple & their family is a real work in progress.

Several weeks ago Mr. Brown Eyes and I went down to Dayton to visit a good friend who had recently been released from the hospital.  After a nice visit and lunch we headed back to his home.  Having recently moved we decided to do a quick drive thru the cemetery that is located on the street behind his home.  With him being a genealogist as well,  we found it to be a nice drive.

Partially thru the cemetery we came across this stone.  I know who John W. Kreitzer's parents are, I just had no idea what had happened to him.   This headstone is not on Find A Grave so my searches there for him always went no where.

A search of death records on FamilySearch.org gave me full death dates on both, but so far no obits.  So I'll be adding them to my obit search list for Dayton, Montgomery County, Ohio.  Gee, another research trip for next summer!  Break my heart!

John W. Kreitzer (16 OCT 1907 - 3 FEB 1979) is the son of John D. Kreitzer (1878-1962) and Minnie M. Stauffer (ca 1885 - ?).  Mildred's parents are unknown to me as of this writing, but she was born in 1911 and died 5 JUN 1979.

If you have further information on this couple I'd love to hear from you!

Karen

Tombstone Tuesday - Netherlands American Cemetery & Memorial

Photo's from top - Entrance sign, One of two walls with names of soldiers whose remains were never recovered, a view of one of the burial area's, Flag area in center of cemetery, random chosen headstones and finally the reflecting pool with reconstruction going on in the back ground.  A very peaceful place for those who rest here.